10 TIPS ON DATING AND RELATIONSHIP

Have you found love and are seeing someone? Congratulations! It is just the beginning. Are you still searching for love? Don't worry, you will find one, just use this time to build and grow yourself.

Are you already married? Congratulations! My prayer is that you continue growing together. I hope that irrespective of the category you fall in you, you find these ten tips helpful in building yourself and your relationship.

With that said, although there could be more advice and tips you might find useful out there, below are ten tips to help you in your new journey:

Get to know yourself and your values: Take the time to reflect on who you are, what you want, and what you are looking for in a partner. If are still not sure of who you are and what you are looking for, you won't know if you have found it. Besides, you will most likely make the life of your significant other complicated for no reason. Plus, if you still don't know who you are, who are you presenting on a date?

Communicate openly and honestly: Make sure to have open and honest conversations with your partner about your feelings, expectations, and boundaries. One of the mistakes most young people who are dating make is spending their time only complimenting each other's looks.

Things like, "You look great, I like your smile, I love you, I have missed you, I enjoy spending time with you, e.t.c". Although these affirmative statements are healthy and should be part of the relationship, they do not help you know how your partner feels about things, or what their thoughts about a certain topic are, or what they expect from you and the relationship you are building together. Make sure you are talking about things that matters, things beyond praises.

Practice self-care and healthy boundaries: Make sure to prioritize your own well-being and set healthy boundaries in the relationship. Being in a relationship does not mean, and should not mean that you lose yourself in the process. Take care of yourself. Both your physical health and spiritual health is very important. Many young people stops being part of the Church worship services and oftentimes their commitment to God and Ministry reduces drastically once they start dating. This should not be the case.

Be willing to compromise: Remember that compromise is an essential part of any healthy relationship. You need to know that you cannot always have it your way, and things does not and should not always revolve around you. A compromise means you are willing to let go of your desires and interest so that you put the need of your spouse / partner first. It means acknowledging that his / her needs matter too.

Be respectful and considerate of your partner: Show respect and kindness to your partner and make sure to take their feelings and opinions into account. I will put the Golden Rule here, "Do unto others what you would want them to do for you." Learn to treat your spouse / partner the way you would want them to treat you.

If you want respect, you should respect; If you want honor, you show honor; If you want affection, you show affection. I think you get the picture.

Seek guidance and advice: Consider seeking guidance from older and more experienced individuals, such as friends, family, or a therapist. You definitely can not and I might add, should not talk to every "Tom, Dick, and Harry" about your relationship, but you should identify people in your life, those who have walked the path before you, those whose life and experience holds meaning. Seek advice and counsel from them.

Plan for the future: Think about what you want your future to look like and have open and honest conversations about those plans with your partner.

Firstly, if you are dating right now, having discussions about your future plans not only helps you prepare but also helps you discern whether the person you are considering to build a life with either wants it, or shares similar aspirations with you. For example, you might want children of your own and your partner does not want to have children, or maybe is only considering adoption. You need to know some of those things before saying "I DO."

Secondly, for those who are already married. It is important to constantly sit down with your spouse and have those discussions. It not only bonds your relationship, but it also ensures that you are both on the same page and are still committed to achieving those dreams together.

To my brothers out there who are not yet married, relationship is expensive and it requires money. Make sure you are able to sustain yourself and the person you plan on bringing a long. If you are not yet ready to handle the emotional, financial, mental, and psychological implications, obligations and responsibilities that comes with marriage, do not raise someone's hopes up in hopes that you will marry them because you are not yet ready even if you think you are.

Be prepared for challenges: Remember that all relationships have their ups and downs, and be prepared to work through any challenges that may arise with your spouse. If you are looking for a trouble free life, you are in the wrong place, that kind of life is only found in heaven. And besides, in heaven we will not marry, but we will all be like Angels (a big smile).

Be yourself: Remember to be true to yourself and don't change who you are to please someone else. Maintain your identity and never try to put on a character to either impress or please someone. Let the person you are dating or interested in know the real you from the beginning because it is the real you they will spend the rest of their life with should they choose to get married to you.

I have seen young men borrowing loans and renting furnished Airbnb or hiring a car to impress a girl they are interested in. That is a terrible mistake, please don't do it. If you make a lady fall in love with you because of a certain kind of status you have portrayed to have when in actual sense you don't, she is actually not in love with you, she is in love the rich guy who drives a Benz and lives in a gated fully furnished apartment, and if that is not you, she is not yours. She will most likely walk away when she discovers you lied to her. Not because she is money minded or a "gold digger" but because she is not in love with the real you, and if you are not confident enough in yourself why would you want her to entrust her life in your hand?

Ladies, stop putting pressure on your man or your boyfriend. This things of, "I need a guy who drives a nice car, a guy who has his own house, and his own business, a guy who can fly me out for vacations and anniversaries e.t.c." If acquiring those things were very simple why does your father not have all of them? Does it mean your father is a failure? I certainly don't think so. Maybe your father owns those things now, but did he have all of them by the time he married your mom? Probably not, yet your mom believed in him, and together, they have built a good life. You can do it too.

Be aware of safe dating practices: Make sure to be aware of safe dating practices and take steps to protect yourself and your partner from unwanted situations. Set boundaries that both of you will honor and respect during your dating time. If and when you end up getting married, you will have a stronger love and appreciation for each other for the commitment they made to you.

Do not just do things because all your friends who are dating or married are doing it. Make sure whatever you decide on doing adds value to your life and contributes to making the both of you better people and your relationship healthier and happier.

Most important of all, relationship and marriage is supposed to be fun, find ways of making yours enjoyable.

Love and blessings to you.

Kasule Jacob

kasule.israel@gmail.com

www.youtube.com@kasulejacob

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